Going Within...
10 Day Vipassana Course
On April 27 through to May 8, 2022 I finally attended my first Vipassana course which had long been on my radar of things to do. I had first heard about it in 2017 when my self-appointed Godmother Mama Sindi shared how transformational her experience of the course was. When I was interviewed for the MBSR (Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction) post graduate program with Stellenbosch University in 2019, one of the requirements was to have attended the Vipassana course or to complete it within the two years of study.
Initially I had applied to the Vipassana course for March 2020 and we all know how Covid hit the world and we all had to adhere to strict lockdown regulations.
As this new year started I themed it a year of “letting go, letting go of fear, letting go of controlling, and letting what is, be.” So, I reapplied for the course to complete what I had intended in 2020, tick the last of my MBSR requirements, which I completed in April 2021. Within two days I received acceptances for the course cycle beginning end of April 2022.
It’s been a week and two days since I returned from The Vipassana, a Buddhist term that is often translated as “insight, clear-seeing, special seeing, distinct seeing.” I’ve had to listen to my body as I reacclimatise back to normality with a majority of my senses vibrating at a much higher frequency than normal, and thus had to really pace myself.
Transformational is the word I will use to describe this experience, it was a complete shutdown of the outside world and to retreat completely within myself. From day zero it was made clear that we had not come to rest but rather to work on ourselves. We were to work diligently, ardently, persistently, patiently and continuously. The invitation was to truly use this time to “know thyself” because no one but ourselves will walk this path. It also was an invitation to take the journey as though one was to undergo a major operation of the mind without anaesthetic and for that to happen one would need a sterile environment.
The eight precepts to provide and facilitate such asterile environment to have a successful operation are;
Abstaining from killing.
Abstaining from stealing.
Abstaining from sexual activity.
Abstaining from telling lies.
Abstaining from intoxicating drinks and drugs.
Abstaining from eating after noon.
Abstaining from entertainment and beautifying the body.
Abstaining from using luxurious furniture.
With these guiding precepts in mind, the first three days were to train the mind to focus, sharpen the mind, this was done through focusing on a small area around the nostrils observing the breath at a specific point. The breath is ever present whether we are aware of it or not, it’s the first thing that announces our entering the world and when we transition the last breath ends the chapter here on earth. I found being one with the breath soothing and giving it my full attention pleasurable. I felt an incredible sense of gratitude to the awakening and immense importance of the breath. The awareness of breathing from my diaphragm, always through the nostrils, being one with the breath and yet focusing on a small area as an observer of this breath and how it’s ever changing. Truly remarkable!
Day four was when the real Vipasanna begun and we were asked to learn the nature of our own bodies, to “know thyself.” The starting point was to mentally scan the body from the top of the head to the toes for present moment sensations. To feel what is present at that moment with each part of the body, not changing it or wanting it to be something else other than feeling the sensation it was at that present moment.
The process of knowing who one is, is not an easy but one that’s necessary to enjoy a life without misery. When we learn the nature of our bodies we will soon realize that the body is ever changing, physically and mentally. There are incessant biochemical reactions occurring within each cell of the body that we are not even aware of. What is seemingly a solid body is composed of subatomic particles and empty space, the existence span of one of these subatomic particle is much less than a trillionth of a second. Particles continuously arise and vanish, passing into and out of existence. Yes, superficially, we have control of our bodies but on another deeper level there’s a world within than we have no control of.
How then are we saddened when we experience life’s ups and downs, when people change or rather show us who they truly are, we resist the change, we want to cling to how it was before, we fight the natural flow of life which is ever changing and impermanent—anicca anicca anicca (change change change ) the belief that all things, including the self, are impermanent and constantly changing
We form an idea of what life should be of who others should be and we get attached to the image and idea we have created for ourselves. We create misery for ourselves by being attached to this image and the idea we have formed. The truth is that no one is doing anything to us nor are things not working in our favour. We are responsible and ought to be accountable.
Vipassana calls on us to go back to basics. The eight precepts can be divided into three stages of training: sïla, samādhi and paññā.
Sïla is living in morality to refrain from all words, speech and action that harm other people therefore when we refrain from unwholesome actions of body and speech to others we are intern not harming ourselves.
Samādhi is the practice of concentration to develop the ability to consciously direct and control one’s own mental process. Through the practice of awareness of breathing and being with the breath as it is, not wanting to change it or for it to be different but simply being with it as it is. When thoughts come to returning our attention to the breath as soon as we realize our attention has shifted from the breath to thinking we will start building concentration, calming the mind by continuously bringing our attention to the breath.
Paññā is wisdom, to develop inner wisdom, purifying insight into one’s own nature.
Sïla and samādhi are valuable however their real purpose is to lead to wisdom. The work is to remove the roots of our misery and suffering. This requires the development of insight into one’s own nature, to find the middle ground between the extremes of self-indulgence and self-repression. Buddha repeatedly said, “If it is supported by morality, concentration is fruitful, very beneficial. If it is supported by concentration, wisdom is very fruitful, very beneficial. If it is supported by wisdom, the mind becomes freed of all defilements.”
I cannot say I have reached the point of knowing myself yet. It is a life long journey that I have embarked on and know that it’s continuous work. The 10 day Vipassana has given me the opportunity of a lived-in experience, of truly going within, of developing a sense of seeing myself as a perfect/imperfect being that I am. Feeling and being with the pleasant and unpleasant sensations as they arise in an objective manner without wanting to change them or wish them away. Observing the nature of my mind, observing my thoughts without identifying with them or wanting to have attachment or aversion to the constant thoughts that arise and fall away.
Being back to the “normal” routine is the beginning of the real work to continue working diligently, ardently, persistently, patiently and continuously.
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